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It is Sunday afternoon. On the second morning, of the second day, of this lovely 3-day vacationing act of tiny, momentary redemption. I have been away from my usual environs, usual chores, usual schedule, and my usual little acts of salvation from the unstoppable grinding of the Machine, for whom I am but a stupid, dispensable, outwardly humble servant. A full day in the lovely gold-sprinkled mountains has completely erased this senseless idiot servitude from my mind, and my companion is trying to me out of my simple, laid-back joyous melbroancholy, and act with agency, you know, the philosophical concept of acting with drive toward being that's supposed to get you, well, laid. I am excellent imaginer, he says, and I ought to use my sensitivity and ability to get inside your head to well, get laid. I laugh. Have some goddamn fun, he says. I nod, it is a mission now. After revisiting the Verandah, and giving the Mine Shaft a daily hello, I go to Cooper's to find our host who has unwittingly brought my brown ass to this oasis of timelessness in the foothills of the Nevadas. I immediately that there is a , and this brings added to me. I joke about not being able to find any black people in town, and that my shit-skin is the darkest shade of human ineptitude in the regions. The laughs are good, but I feel a little bad, I just played the race card. We sit at the bar. is an awesome bartender. She makes me laugh, I make her laugh, the well whisky is Early Times and I take the , because, fuck it, I have nothing to lose but involuntary celibacy. 's mom is in the barstool next to me, she laughs and gives me that distinct I get when people are genuinely happy to see me, and I am at ease. Another older woman sits next to her, and also regales me. We laugh, one of them kisses me on the cheek (I forget who, plz forgive), and I am happy, because I appreciate random acts of kindness, no matter how bitter the taste of the morning may feel. Then things get surreal, in gold country. Another older woman is at the bar, her pigment distinctively stained with the melanin I have come to appreciate. She strikes up a conversation with us, we talk of geography, peoples, migrations, and of course, inebriation. She mentions she is Indian. My friend points at me, and says, so is he! She puts her finger on my forehead, and says, " ". She points at her breast, and says, "Feather". We laugh hard, I don't know why. It is indeed, absurd. We move on, I go to the for the first time, I dunno what to do, so I put on the Modern English. I put on 's Midnight Runners. I put on the motherfucking Clash. I am ok, I am happy. I drink another beer, put my elbows on the bar, and I feel a hand run up my spine, straightening me up, in a pleasurable way. When you are sensitive to touch, that touch is unmistakeable. I look over to see the Indian lady looking at me, and nonchalantly asks me, "Are you a hooker? Is that what you do in Oakland?" I laugh real hard. I said I wished I was. I thought she was joking. And then she looked over at me and whispered what she actually did for money, and gave me a glorious, defiant smile. I looked back at her, with open eyes, and smiled, and told her that she was a strange creature, and that I am glad that she thought I had the restlessness for that kind of thing. She laughed at me, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "Good luck to you, brown ." She then disappeared. I went back to the . San Serenade, by Waits. I found a Lightning Hopkins track I liked. I found the seminal Howlin track. I proceeded to the patio, to chainsmoke. You were on the patio, surrounded by older men who knew you. Remembering what my friend had told me, I threw sheets to the wind and tried to converse with you. I began with the guy next to you, then the other guy, before half an hour, I had talked to every old guy around you except you. Finally, I saw an opportunity. You were talking about the book in front of you, that you had bought today. I seized my opportunity, because I had just bought 4, for $12. I was like, "You mean that one bookstore across the street? I found some diamonds in there that really got me! "The and by Conrad! The Plague, by C! Short including Bartleby by Heman H, and the cherry on top, good , I found Faust, by Goethe!". Then you looked over at me, and said something about my shirt. And I tried to respond, and you said, no, not you, the guy next to you. You proceeded to talk to him, and I had to contort myself to let you guys have eye contact and a proper conversation. On your way out, you hugged him, exchanged about the consignment shop where he got his shirt, and asked him all manner of questions about where he was from, etc. etc. When you were gone, I asked him, "Does she know you're gay?" He laughed at me. He said that he'd never been felt up by more women than he had been here. I don't know if I was annoying you. I don't know if you were a feminist that thought that I was the 2-headed of patriarchy because I managed to utter a single sentence while you looked at me. I don't care. You made me feel small, you made me remind myself of why I don't try to get laid anymore. You reminded that I am better off alone. You reminded me, that Oakland is where I belong, where the shit is so fucking stuck on the fan, that I might occasionally be a welcome sight, where, the strongest women I've met, home. Thank you for that. |